Age and Unstable Reality

When I was teen, I was thinking that I would lose a certain sensitivity and become less sensitive, as I get older.

Also, I was thinking that the reality around me would be more fixed and stable, and anything, even any dreams, would never distract me.

But, it seems it was not a correct prediction.

As I get older, the reality = the present around myself, even more of the future, gradually gets unclear and obscure.

I have not yet got a clear view towards many things. Rather, it feels like I used to have a clearer view than now.

Surely I became more experienced, I became more mature, I became wiser……, but what I found is that these “progress” does not make my view clearer, rather make it blurry.


One “pleasant” finding was that I didn’t become less sensitive.

I feel I’m getting more sensitive with time.

But, as male, I’m uncertain if it’s a good thing or not.

Because, in my definition, “adult man” should not get touched so easily. “Adult man” should keep their emotion stable all the time and, more importantly, they have to hide their emotion.

Now I’m far away from this “adult man”.  Rather, I have been walking away from it over time.